Living in Splatters of Paint

I’m not sure what compels me to write this right now but here it goes… I remember my parents telling me that I was a fussy baby.  I was one of those who had endless crying fits for no apparent reason.  I was also their first child, so my mom was at loss about what to do.  She then turned to food.  Whenever I would cry, she would feed me which effectively “shut me up.”lol  Anyways ever since then and for as long as I can remember when I was in grade school, I was FAT and FOOD was always there for me. See, I grew up in a society where people say what they please regardless if they hurt someone.  I guess you could call that, frank.  But anyways I’ve been teased about my weight by my aunts, uncles, friends, schoolmates, siblings, cousins, and even strangers.  Always I brushed it off.  I even told my parents that I am happy with myself, I will be fat and eat what I want forever.  I stood by myself (even though deep down I really was an unhappy child).  

Then I moved to the U.S. and believe it or not I became BIGGER.  By middle school, I was depressed and self-conscious that I alienated anyone who could potentially be my friend.   Also, I was completely engrossed in EDs. I’m not sure what it was but I loved reading pro-ana and pro-mia, in my mind wishing I had an ED.  I might have tried for a couple of days, but one thing I didn’t have back then was discipline and control about food which in that perspective was good? (One reason for this might have been a mix of my mom’s weird habit of picking on her food and not eating, later she told me she had a form of ED when she was younger, and my dad always binging on food)

Anyways, by 8th grade I finally got accustomed to the new culture and made a few friends (mostly boys) which got me into basketball.  So I played basketball with them every lunch time.  This may have also triggered me to be healthier because I wanted to impress these boys. (hormones.lol)  By the end of summer before high school, I was actively playing basketball and tennis.  I lost tremendous amount of weight in that summer.  Mostly drinking lots of water before meals, eating moderately and SPORTS.  After that never again did I want to feel myself get lost in all that food and FAT.  Anyways high school was filled with tennis and track&field.  

College was another hurdle.  My first year I did prove the freshman-15 right. In fact it might have even been freshman-20.  Anyways by sophomore year, I was again active and went to the gym religiously.  I then got into Insanity last summer with friends (a lot of pain but enjoyed the hard work) and now I’m still striving.  I just feel so much better after a good old workout session. :)